Saturday, March 17, 2012

a dream realized

On November 22, the foot shared its most deeply held dream: to one day again a take a shower standing up. Today, March 17, the dream was realized.

The foot's heart is full ... and yet, with this dream achieved, a certain aimlessness begins to gnaw at the back of the foot's mind, indeed at its very soul.

Friday, March 16, 2012

the foot is pedicured

The foot today made a triumphant return to the world of pedicures. It was able to tolerate all elements of pedicurism other than being wrapped in a steaming hot towel, which made it jump and pull away as if boiling oil had been poured all over it like the Apostle John, who himself was plunged into boiling oil.

The foot often thinks of itself as an apostle.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Friday, February 10, 2012

stealth attack

The foot, perhaps sensing that its days of relaxation and sloth are coming to an end, this morning launched a stealth attack -- causing a heavy bar of soap to be dropped directly upon itself, precisely at the site of the break, in turn causing the foot owner to shriek and then hobble about in pain the rest of the day.

A bruise has formed.

The foot will not go gently into that good night.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

the foot begins physical therapy

After the first day of physical therapy, the foot can sense that its halcyon days of lolling about and being waited on are coming to an end. The foot wants to smoke a clove cigarette, play some Jimi Hendrix really loudly, and pretend not to hear any of the orders to twist to the left or pick up a towel with its toes.

Friday, February 3, 2012

The foot is a difficult patient who likes to give off signs of impending recovery that never come to fruition.

The foot has perhaps become too used to its pampered and slothful lifestyle and no longer knows what a honest day's work looks like.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

the foot is free!

The foot has reemerged into the world, shedding its cast as a butterfly breaks free of its cocoon after a long hibernation.

Unlike a butterfly, it is swollen, peely, and alarming to look at.

Friday, January 6, 2012

The foot wishes to be swaddled like a papoose, so that its toes are warm and cozy.

Monday, December 19, 2011

a project for you

I am dying to bend my ankle. In solidarity, please put your ankle in one position and don't bend it for 10-12 weeks.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


The leg under the cast is itching in the most uncontrollable way. I think the sociopath foot has done something to mess with it.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

new cast

The foot has a new cast. Number three. It is too tight, like my entire college freshman wardrobe.

In fact, if tightness of garb is any guide, the foot is a disreputable trollop.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

foot as bowling device

If you're getting a new cast put on (after having it removed for x-rays) and you mention that the old one dug into your foot at times, they will add so much padding to the new one that your foot will end up the size of a small bowling ball.

Be warned.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The foot burns.

Friday, November 25, 2011

The foot watches jealously as its counterpart is pedicured... a covetous, baleful malcontent.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

the foot strikes

The foot strikes when you least expect it, such as when you are hobbling down a hallway on your crutches at your eye doctor's office, and suddenly you fall down, landing on the broken foot and causing a horrible scene that results in your eye doctor's staff having to push you around the office on an office chair with wheels while you try to pretend that you are not a ridiculous person.

The foot laughs a sinister laugh and goes back to lying in wait again.

the foot rebels at night

At night, the foot becomes a monster -- larger, and a bully. A swollen mass of malevolence. At night it yearns for Poe.

the foot does not like...

most things.

the foot has a dream

... that someday it will again take a shower standing up.

self portrait